Unasked Questions

"So, did you think about it?"
"Do you have an answer?"
Someone once told me that I shouldn't ask questions that I'm not prepared to hear the answers to ...At first it was difficult for me to accept that - I have a question and I want an answer!However, I soon realized that unlike my girlfriends, who know how to answer questions, guys just don't understand what answering questions properly means.So, to save myself from the frustration of having my question answered improperly (i.e. hearing the cold, hard truth) I have finally adopted the practice of not asking questions that I am not prepared to hear the answers to.Consequently I have several bite marks on my tongue ... and is it worth it?Well, I'm not sure. It actually seems like a lose-lose situation to me ... if I ask the question and get the 'wrong' answer, then I'll be upset. On the other hand, if I refrain from asking the question, I will have saved myself from that feeling -- I'll just be anxious instead as the question consumes me from inside ...I try and tell myself that I will get an answer when the time is right - I don't need to go about asking questions. It's not that easy.So in the meantime, I'll ask the questions ... but silently in my head.
[Reposted from one of my previous blogs]

Patient but Pissed -- does that mean they cancel each other out?

You often hear people say - I ate a chocolate bar today, but I also exercised, so they cancel each other out ... or I got to work late today, but I ended up staying late too, so that cancels each other out ... What does that mean? When we do things that cancel each other out, where does that leave us? We're not moving forward - we're adding 1 and subtracting 1 ... ending up with a big, fat ZERO. Sometimes I wonder why I try and achieve balance when I really end up feeling completely unbalanced. Sometimes I feel like things become so mechanical that they lose meaning ... yet without that steady mechanical motion, I feel like I can’t move forward. It’s like trying to feel relaxed, but in order to relax I need to fix a strict schedule for me to adhere to … how relaxing can that be?So many things make me pause and think during the day … things I saw, things I read, things I thought about, things I said …Things that people said to me, things that people did …Do I take on too much? Do I try and control things that are really out of my hands?Have I become so focused on trying to make other people happy that I have forgotten what it is that makes me happy? Have I overcommitted myself to the point where I can’t keep any of my commitments?Why does it feel like I’m stuck in the middle of that big, fat ZERO?If I’m trying my best to be patient, but feeling really pissed inside, do the feelings cancel each other out?
[Reposted from one of my previous blogs]

Ten Things I Love to Do Everyday

A friend of mine asked me to come up with a list of 10 things I love to do everyday ... This is what I came up with ...

1) Brush my teeth – love that minty fresh, clean feeling!
2) Drink water – especially my first bottle on an empty stomach. It wakes me up and makes me feel refreshed.
3) My morning prayers – Despite the many things that I feel anxious about, sad about, fearful about, there are also thousands of things I am thankful for. Most of my friends have given up on religion and God and that is what makes this routine of mine extra special. Before I’ve done anything else, before I’ve spoken to anyone else, I pray – I thank God for all I have, I ask for strength and guidance in all that I wish to do, I pray for the health and wellbeing of my family and friends, and I ask for mercy for all of humanity.
4) My morning yoga – I have chosen 5 simple yoga positions that I do on a daily basis. It doesn’t take long, and it’s not tough … but it gives me 10 minutes to center myself for the rest of the day. It’s amazing – even in these 5 simple moves, I notice improvement in my flexibility and balance.
5) Drink my morning cup of coffee. I know that I tried to give up caffeine, but then I thought – why? I only have one cup … sometimes two … it’s not that harmful. I love the taste of coffee, but what I really love about my morning cup of coffee is the atmosphere in which I drink it – silence, everyone asleep. Just pure, calm, relaxed ‘me’ time.
6) Put on a pair of high heels. Going to my shoe closet and choosing my heels for the day is something that I love to do. It sounds shallow, I know, but it’s true. I don’t always get to wear my favorite heels – especially when it comes to work, but whichever pair I wear, I love. They make me feel good … confident … and under the right circumstances, even sexy!
7) Jamming to my favorite tunes in my car. I love the fact that my car has an awesome sound system. I have a varied selection of CDs in my car as well as playlist after playlist on my iPod – I absolutely love cranking up the volume and singing away at the top of my lungs … it totally takes me to another world … and it helps me survive the crazy driving out on the roads.
8) Working out. I often can’t wait to get to the gym first thing in the morning. As I get stronger, I get more and more eager to go and workout. Although burning calories to lose weight is why I started working out, it’s the increase in my strength and stamina that makes me love going to the gym. I try not to think about the numbers as much and instead try and find the positives about the effort that I’ve been putting in – the hint of a bicep muscle, slightly more toned calf muscles, the bagginess of my jeans … I have a long way to go to reach my goal in terms of weight and fitness level, but it does not discourage me. This goal is something I want more than anything else in the world (the Harley Davidson is a close second) – it may take years, but I will succeed.
9) Enter my calorie count/food data into my body media program. This may seem to contradict what I just said about not thinking about the numbers, but the key phrase is ‘as much’ – after all, I know it’s still some sort of manifestation of my minor OCD tendencies! In the beginning, it was 100% about control. Entering every single thing I ate, calculating every single number – doing more complicated math than I ever thought I’d be able to do … but now, even though I enter my calorie intake every single day and monitor what I eat, it’s become a bit more about figuring out how to change/break a pattern. I eat when I’m hungry. While I do remember the last time I was full, I do not remember the last time I overate – and that’s not something I can say about my eating habits a year ago. I’m trying to learn how to balance my food and exercise. I’m not ready to do it on my own yet – without my body media program or without my nutritionist – but I hope to get there someday. For the time being, I’m monitoring my habits and learning how to listen to my body (and I frequently apologize to my body for letting it all get so out of control – I hope it forgives me).
10) Text my mom. I think my mother is the most amazing person in the world. I know that she has done the very best that she could do in the best way that she knew how for me. She is kind, honest, honorable, and loving. When I feel anything at all – happy, angry, sad, frustrated – I can text her (even if it’s about something unrelated) and she will somehow say the right thing, in the right way to make me feel better … my world is a better place because of her.

Signs of Stress

Okay. It’s started. Last night, my anxiety about my research and writing got so bad that I couldn’t get to sleep. I stayed up late and worked until I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer. I don’t think I slept … it was more like I passed out from exhaustion and was jolted awake, not because I was all refreshed and ready to go, but because I started to see myself at my desk in my dreams … the sharp anxiety pain in my abdomen got me up and straight to my desk with just about 4 hours of sleep.

Anxiety and stomach cramps are the first sign of my pre-deadline stress.

The second sign, I whine. The first white that comes out of my mouth is, “I can’t do it. I’m going to fail.” This is followed by, “What have I gotten myself into? I’m not smart enough.” Then this is followed by random groans and moans … never a good sign when this happens.

The third sign, and this is when it gets really worrying, is when I start reciting the words of The Bangles’ song “If she knew what she wants.” Note that I said reciting and not singing. I (softly) recite the first two parts of the song in quadruple time! I have absolutely no idea why I do this, why this song, or how/when this happened. All I know is that when I start doing this, it’s a bad sign and all those in the nearby vicinity better make a run for it!

Writing (in) Style

My deadline is approaching, which is of course why I’m sitting here posting this blog entry. I mean, I can’t spoil my reputation as an excellent procrastinator now, can I?

Well, I’ve actually been doing pretty well, though I could always be doing better. I’ve done a lot of research and now it’s time for me to get down to the writing – and before I can do that, I have to get myself in order … which involves a few things:

1) Fresh flowers. I’ve got to have fresh flowers on my desk when I’m writing. Perhaps it’s having a bit of nature in my room that I find refreshing or inspiring … whatever the reason, I need fresh, brightly colored flowers on my desk.

2) Post-its. Now I’m not talking about a single pad of post-its. I’m talking about different kinds of post-its, in different colors, shapes, and sizes all neatly stacked on my desk, ready to hold my mind-blowing ideas (or make a to-do list – though my to-do lists can be quite mind-blowing at times).

3) Yellow legal pads. For some reason, I write better on yellow legal pads. I don’t know why. I don’t even really like the color yellow, but there’s something about these legal pads that I find ... ummm … comforting? Inspiring? I don’t know. Regardless. I want them, so I get them.

4) Water. I drink a lot of water. Having to get up and go to the other room to get another bottle when I’m in the middle of writing is unbelievably irritating and distracting. So, I keep 4 bottles of water lined up on my desk – Gotta stay hydrated!

5) Navy blue track suit bottoms & turquoise tank top or black track suit bottoms & red tank top.These are my two ‘writing outfits.’ The only reason I have the black & red option is because I know that I can’t live in my navy blue/turquoise combo (though I have tried, not a pretty site after a while …) Plus, it’s not any navy blue track suit bottom or any red tank top. These are specific ones that I wear when I write. I know, slightly strange, but hey – I need to do whatever I can to get this writing done … it’s for my future!!

IHR Syndrome

IHR Syndrome starts to spread about three weeks before Ramadan, the Islamic month of fasting, sets in. Just a bit of background information about Ramadan, for those of you who may not know … The thing I remember the most from learning about this month during my childhood is that we fast – abstain from food and water – from sunrise to sunset in order to feel how the poor/underprivileged feel. This explanation stuck was all I knew about Ramadan for a while, until I grew older and learned more. Ramadan is about abstaining from food and water, but it also about being patient, being charitable, being neighborly, abstaining from bad behavior, eating and drinking in moderation … y’know things we should be doing anyway, but sometimes forget. So basically, it’s a month in which we’re supposed to fast as well as practice being a bit more diligent about how we behave and treat others …

It doesn’t sound too bad, does it? I mean, ok, the idea of not eating or drinking from sunrise to sunset can be a bit intimidating, but people have been fasting for Ramadan for hundreds of years and have survived, so it’s not impossible. I know that there are some arguments about the health risks of fasting – e.g. dehydration, but there are also some arguments for fasting – e.g. cleansing/purifying the body. It’s not a life-long practice; it’s not even a 24/7 practice for the entire month. Anyway. You fast if you can; if it’s something that affects your health, you don’t have to.

So what causes the IHR (short for ‘I hate Ramadan’) Syndrome? Well, first of all, I have to say that I’ve only ever noticed IHR Syndrome in people who live in the Middle East … not in the States or England. Doesn’t that seem strange? Why would a predominantly Muslim country have so many (Muslim & non-Muslim) sufferers of IHR Syndrome?

Having lived in both the States and the Middle East, and having fasted during Ramadan in both of these parts of the world, I can tell you why … In the States, you go about your day, participate in your normal activities, and don’t change much of your routine – pretty much just like everyone else around you. When you fast in a country that’s not predominantly Muslim, then the action truly is a form of worship. You are fasting for yourself; when others find out, you have an opportunity to tell them about fasting and what it means to you.

However, take a look at how Ramadan is ‘celebrated’ in a place like Kuwait, and you’ll get a very different picture. The biggest issue that I have with Ramadan in Kuwait is that nobody is allowed to eat or drink in public from sunrise to sunset. You are not allowed to take a sip of water, chew gum, smoke a cigarette or anything … the restaurants and coffee shops are closed. You are not even allowed to openly drink water in gyms or in your office. If you are not fasting and do want to eat, then you have to do it in the privacy of your home.

This law is absolutely ridiculous in my opinion. Fasting is about control and restraint. What kind of fasting are you practicing when all temptation around you has been removed? Will the sight of somebody else drinking water really have that big of an effect on you that you won’t be able to control your urges? Plus, what kind of an impression does that give to non-Muslims who live in this country? Eating or drinking in public during this month is not only forbidden, but also punishable by law. Seriously? How has this type of policy become acceptable. Meanwhile the grocery stores are jam packed with people buying tons and tons of food that they can gorge on after sunset.

This brings me to my second problem with Ramadan in Kuwait. When I was younger, Ramadan used to be special. It was a time for the family to get together and eat. It was a time to visit close friends and share a meal – the focus of these gatherings was being together, not eating.

Now, however, it is completely different. From the moment the sun sets, the feasting begins. You would be amazed at how much weight people gain over Ramadan – it’s because they overeat. They sit there and they eat … they eat from sunset until sunrise. Restaurants are open until almost 4:00 in the morning to allow people to eat and eat and eat … what happened to moderation? What happened to self-control? This demonstration of gluttony is not part of Ramadan! Plus, remember what I mentioned earlier about remember how underprivileged/poor people feel? How much food do you think is wasted at these large gatherings? It’s a sin – an unforgiveable sin.

So, we’ve got the law forbidding anybody to eat or drink, we’ve got the overindulgence from sunset to sunrise … what else? Oh yes, the shortened working hours. Ok, so who wouldn’t be excited at having shorter working hours? It’s great. It’s a perk … but let’s shift our focus back to what the month should really be about – you’re supposed to incorporate fasting into your normal routine. Going to work for 4-5 hours a day, instead of your normal 8-9 hours, just so that you can go home and sleep (in order to avoid/ignore your hunger pangs) is NOT what Ramadan is all about. It seems that a lot of people only look forward to Ramadan because of the shorter working hours … think about that. Is that really right?

My final point is about behavior – remember what I had said about being patient and charitable etc.? Well, staying up all night overeating, and then abstaining from food and water during the day seems to make people unbelievably cranky. Driving is chaotic in Kuwait as it is – add sleep deprivation and hunger to the mix and you get a whole lot of insanely cranky people on the road and all around you. People are speeding, cutting others off left, right, and center … they’re pushing and shoving in the supermarkets, all fighting for a loaf of bread … it’s insane! Forget the month of Ramadan – is this the way civilized people behave?
So, it is with a heavy heart that I witness so many people suffering from IHR Syndrome. I wish I could say that they were wrong to feel this way, but the evidence is all around us. Yes, there are still many people who do observe the month for what it is truly supposed to represent, but unfortunately, it is the ones who are behaving badly and being rude to others that are more visible. So, once again, instead of taking Ramadan as an opportunity to demonstrate tolerance, to promote kindness and charity, to be giving and forgiving … the month seems to highlight some of the worst kinds of human behavior.

Driving Me Crazy

So I’m waiting at a traffic light this morning, strumming my fingers on my steering wheel in time to the music and somewhat singing along … the light turns green and I press on the accelerator. Just as I start to move forward, a car from the opposite side of the road zooms through his red light, missing me by just a hair … I shudder. Take a deep breath. Cautiously look around and continue.

How can it be that even after ten years of living in Kuwait, the one thing I just cannot get used to is the way people drive here? The crazy speeding is the least of my worries – in fact, I find it much easier to handle than the ones who are barely moving on the major highways. (Seriously! – doing 50 km/hr on a major highway – come on!)

Regardless, the speed issue is not my main concern. My biggest concern is related to what happened to me this morning – drivers crossing through red lights. I’m not talking crossing through a light just as its turning red. No. I’m talking about crossing through a red light after it’s been red for a while. Of course, even that is not as insane as when I’ve stopped at a red light and the car behind me actually swerves past me to go ahead and cross it. Do they not see that the light is red? Do they not know that it’s wrong? Do they not care? Where are they going in such a hurry? Why is it that they think it’s ok to do such a dangerous thing?

Then of course there’s the lack of signaling … and when someone does turn his indicator on, he either forgets and doesn’t move, or goes the wrong way.

What about those people who don’t even turn their lights on at night. Why wouldn’t they turn on their lights? Are they really that lazy? Did their car not come with lights? Do they not know that it actually helps other drivers spot their black car zooming down the road at night? Ya, they don’t care.

And what’s with the reversing on major highways just because you missed an exit? You’d think that the traffic cops would do something about it, but heaven forbid they have to move and actually get out of their car. It’s just an exit. Either pay attention and turn when you’re supposed to, or drive on until you can make the next exit … legally!

How about those drivers who are waiting to make a u-turn or turn onto a road and they’ve stuck the front of their car halfway into the lane of oncoming traffic … do they not care that they’re causing a disruption because now the oncoming car has to adjust the way he’s driving to accommodate this *astard.

And don’t even get me started on the people who just pull into the parking lot only to take up 3 spots instead of one. Do they care? No. I mean, why would they? They’re the only ones that exist in this world … and what happens when you roll down your window and say ‘Excuse me, but you’re taking up three spots.’ They usually glare, ignore you, shrug, or comment with a ‘Park somewhere else.’ *astards!

I know that the ban on using cell phones while driving wouldn’t last, but I have to say I am completely shocked at how many people do not wear their seatbelt. It’s a seatbelt. It’s right there. Put it on! Okay, so you don’t care if you get into an accident … but surely, if you’ve gone through all the trouble to bring a child into this world you’d put him in the back seat, oh, no, you don’t want to do that? Okay, at least have your child wear a seatbelt in the front seat … Hmmmm, that won’t fly either. Ah I see, you insist that your 6 month old sit on your lap in the driver seat as you drive like a maniac, without a seatbelt, while smoking a cigarette, and talking on your cell phone.
Are we really the most intellectually evolved species?

Le Fabuleux Destin d'Amélie Poulain

On September 3rd 1973, at 6:28pm and 32 seconds, a bluebottle fly capable of 14,670 wing beats a minute landed on Rue St Vincent, Montmartre. At the same moment, on a restaurant terrace nearby, the wind magically made two glasses dance unseen on a tablecloth. Meanwhile, in a 5th-floor flat, 28 Avenue Trudaine, Paris 9, returning from his best friend's funeral, Eugène Colère erased his name from his address book. At the same moment, a sperm with one X chromosome, belonging to Raphaël Poulain, made a dash for an egg in his wife Amandine. Nine months later, Amélie Poulain was born. [André Dussollier – Narrator]

What better way to start off my summer movies than by rewatching my favorite one – La Fabuleux Destin d’ Amélie Poulain?

There is something truly enchanting about this movie. Audrey Tautou, who plays Amélie, does a superb job of drawing you into her world in which you see her progress from living a sheltered, lonely life to being intimately involved in practically everyone’s life around her. I found my heartbeat quickening as hers did when her heartbeat was being checked by her father; I held my breath, just as she did, as she waited to see Bretodeau’s reaction to ‘stumbling upon’ a long-lost childhood treasure. I silently cheered for her as she sought revenge on behalf of Lucien. I was enamored by her relationship with Dufayel … and of course, I was completely wrapped up in her photo booth, photo album adventure to find Nino.

Whenever I watch this movie I am completely mesmerized – from the mischievous glimmer in Amélie’s eyes, to the voice of the narrator, to the music, to the beautiful cinematography – presenting a truly romantic and whimsical image of Paris.

Magical. Mesmerizing. My favorite movie for sure.

Ma petite Amélie, vous n'avez pas des os en verre. Vous pouvez vous cogner à la vraie vie. Si vous laissez passer cette chance, alors avec le temps, c'est votre coeur qui va devenir aussi sec et cassant que mon squelette. Alors, allez-y, nom d'un chien!" (l'homme de verre)

Loose translation of Raymond Dufayel’s words:
So, my little Amélie, you don't have bones of glass. You can take life's knocks. If you let this chance pass, eventually, your heart will become as dry and brittle as my skeleton. So, go get him, for Pete's sake!

Inconsistencies. Quirks. Normalcy?

So I reach up with my left hand to grab something from the top shelf of my gym locker. After getting it down, I reached up to that same shelf with my right hand … of course there was nothing else for me to bring down, but I did the action anyway. My friend who was in the locker room with me noticed and had to ask – what did you do that for? And I replied – “To even myself out. I stretched up with my left hand, so I had to stretch with my right as well, otherwise I feel lopsided.”

Yes, yes, I know – she burst out laughing (as is the usual reaction I get when people hear about this) … but it’s just one of those things …

Or should I say one of those many things … apparently, as I’ve recently been told, I’ve got more ‘quirks’ than usual … I think the strangest one that has eluded many of my friends and family members for years is the issue I have with people smelling my food – or smelling food that’s being cooked or served. Now, I’m not talking about taking a whiff of the aroma that’s circling in the air and saying ‘Mmm that smells good.’ I don’t have a problem with that. I do, however, have an issue with someone putting their face close to the food and inhaling (or, as one of my friends does, puts his food up close to his face and deeply inhales!). And no, it’s not the boogers thing as people have speculated. I don’t know what it is, but there’s some psychological switch that once someone smells the food, I won’t be able to eat it … and it’s happened to me many times. It’s just one of those things.

Something else that’s kinda strange is that I can’t have any of my limbs hanging off the side of the bed. It gives me major anxiety … I feel like somebody (or something, like the monster under the bed) is going to pull my hand and drag me who knows where. I think this is because there were two occasions in which I had my hand on the escalator rail while going up and a man aggressively grabbed my hand from the escalator that was going down. It just really freaked me out – and I haven’t been able to shake that feeling. I never, ever hold the rail of an escalator on the side that’s near the one going in the opposite direction!

There are other habits I have which I’ve been told are weird, but honestly, I just see those actions as normal. I mean, doesn’t everyone alphabetize their DVDs by title or their books by author? Wouldn’t you also categorize your clothes by type (ok, I also do it by color, which may seem excessive, but it makes life easier!)?

I don’t know if my phobias should also be included as quirks. I mean, I guess my main phobia is that of dogs. My heart starts racing, I start hyperventilating, and often I just can’t controlled the panicked reaction with major screaming and tears streaming down my face, as a dog approaches me. However, I do have to say that a few months ago I decided that I would try and overcome this fear. I think I’ve done a good job so far. I mean, there have been a few instances where a dog has come near me and I have not reacted … now, actually approaching one and touching it is a different story … but who knows.

I guess my fear of sharks is understandable … though I guess the fact that I have to continuously repeat ‘there are no sharks in the water, there are no sharks in the water’ to myself as I swim … in the swimming pool … is a bit silly. But hey, whatever I need to do to get a few laps done, right?

The fear of birds, well, you can’t blame me for getting a bit freaked out when a bird flies overhead – anything that flies and poops at the same time should be feared!

Oh ... and I have issues about eating a banana in public.

Summer 2010 - Phase II

It seems weird to entitle a blog entry as Part II when I never really wrote a Phase I … but with my expert skills at procrastination I don’t think it’s really that big of a surprise.

Phase I of my summer basically involved me getting ready to present at a conference at Canterbury Christ Church University (on creativity and language learning) and meet with my PhD advisor about my research. I’m pleased to say it all went very well.

I ended my ‘part I’ with a few days in London, hanging out with some very good friends of mine. Lots of walking, talking, and laughing. It was the much needed break before returning home and starting on Phase II.

I’ve got four basic tasks that I want to get through during my second phase of summer.

The first one has to do with my PhD. I’ve got my 3rd annual review in September, and I’ve got to get a lot of writing done before then. The good thing is that I actually feel like I can see the finish line. The bad thing is that it’s pretty much an obstacle course that I need to get through in order to get from where I am to that finish line!

My second task is to continue my gym routine. I had hit a good stride and was making some progress before heading to London … now I’ve got to get back to my training. I just hope that my 2 week break from the gym hasn’t set me back too far.

The third task has to do with getting organized. I’ve got piles and piles of papers to get through. As a teacher and a student, the number of papers that I’ve accumulated over the past year is unbelievable. Add to that the papers from previous years that I never sifted through and I’ve got a major task on my hands! In addition to the papers, I’ve got a huge box of odds and ends that I’ve been meaning to sort through for over a year … I think it’s time I get it done and get rid of that box! Plus, of course, I’ve got to go through my wardrobe, my accessories, my computer files, and all the other bits and pieces around the house. The key thing is that I need to get it done without compromising the time that I need to spend doing tasks 1 & 2. Getting organized is important, but (believe it or not) I have kinda been known to use it as a way to procrastinate. Not this time. Now it’s about being more efficient. [So I hope.]

Finally – and this will seem like a strange task – but after all, I am on vacation … my fourth task is to make some headway into my movie collection. I’ve got a few hundred DVDs, and there are quite a few that I haven’t watched. By quite a few I mean around 150 (and I think that’s a conservative estimate). So, before I can justify buying anymore DVDs (though I did recently purchase a few more in London), I’ve really got to get through the ones I’ve got. At least it’ll be a more enjoyable ‘chore.’

That’s it! These are my four main tasks for the next 6 weeks of summer. I probably should have added prep time for next semester’s class, but I think I’ll wait to tackle that after I accomplish these.

It’ll be a busy summer for sure!

Smart Travel

I have always loved to travel. Every since I was young I’d get excited planning for the trip, figuring out what sites to go and see, packing for the journey – especially my carry on – and boarding that plane.

Over the years, that excitement still remains, though a few things have become a bit more tedious. First of all, it took me ages to figure out how to pack ‘light.’ It’s something that my father always told me to do, but something I never quite managed. My suitcases (2 @ 32 kg each) were always packed to capacity, and my carry on that truly tested my muscle strength. Over the years, I got better. As I started to travel more frequently and as many of my journeys involved hopping on and off (in and out of) planes, trains, and automobiles, I had to cut down on my luggage in order to cope without utterly exhausting myself. I’ve definitely improved (though I know there are some people who think I still have a long way to go before traveling lightly)!

Even if my suitcase is still on the heavy side, the one thing I have managed to improve on is my carry on. I used to carry a complete change of clothes, enough material to entertain me – books, puzzles, music (and in those days it would be various CDs and a discman), and more – for an endless journey. Plus of course there are the cosmetics and toiletries, a notebook and pencil case, a case of toiletries, and of course my camera, wallet, and travel documents. You’re easily looking at a 12-15 kg bag right there! Now, things are much simpler. I’ve got my laptop, iPod, a notebook and pen, flash drive, plus my camera, wallet, and travel documents.

My iPod has truly been a lifesaver. Not only does it have all my music, but it’s also got a few audiobooks in case I want to ‘read’ instead of listen to music and games – Sudoku, Scrabble, Tetris – to entertain me. Now if I had an iPhone I could even leave my camera out … but until then, it stays with me.

I must say that lightening up my carry on has made traveling so much easier. Aside from providing my shoulder with some much needed relief, it also helps when going through airport security.

Airport security can truly be a pain, but it’s something we’ve all got to go through, whether we like it or not. I understand that because of heightened security, further, more intensive checks have been implemented, and while this can be irritating and time-consuming, it’s inescapable.

What I don’t understand is how there are passengers that refuse (whether knowingly or unknowingly) to abide by the rules. By now, you should know the drill. Wear shoes that are easy to slip off, take off your belt, and for goodness sake, empty your pockets! I get infuriated at men who leave their keys, coins, and wallet in their pocket as they pass security. Hello?! Morons! Empty your bloody pockets. Moreover, these are the people who get exasperated with the security guards when they are told to empty their pockets. They scowl, they moan, they complain … when in fact they are the ones to blame. They are the ones who are causing the delays!

I was traveling out of Heathrow airport a few days ago. I didn’t think passing through security would take too long since there were only 10 people in front of me. However, when I saw the family of 5, I knew I had made a mistake. It’s like they had a plan to do whatever they could to cause a delay. Their belts were on, one of the kids was still in the stroller, they had several bottles of liquids on them, they were still wearing their jackets, their laptop was still in the bag … I mean seriously, you’re standing in line. Even if you can’t read English, you can watch the animated screens and get an idea as to what you’re supposed to do! Plus, I have to ask – did these people not travel anywhere in the past 2 years? Or for some reason, did they think that today, at this airport, at this time, security would make an exception and let them just go through? I mean, the ban to take liquids onto the plane (no matter how ridiculous it may seem) has been in effect for over 2 years now. It should be obvious that you can’t take that 600mL bottle of water/Coke/juice through security.

I know that it’s frustrating and irritating and some of the rules seem ridiculous (like what type of damaging material can you really get into the thin, rubber sole of a sandal?). But this moment in time, just before you are about to travel, is not the time to ‘test the system’ or engage in a conversation about how ridiculous the rules are. These are the rules. Follow them. You’d be amazed at how easy travel becomes when you’ve got your allocated 10 bottles of no more than 100mL of liquid already in a transparent zip lock bag, your laptop is out of its case, you’ve taken off your belt, and your pockets are empty … You sail through security, put everything back in your bag, and you’re off … see, it’s not so difficult! Travel Safe!

Progress or Regress?

I just finished my last workout before traveling. I actually felt a bit anxious leaving the gym. Will being away for 2 weeks negate all the work that I’ve put in over the past few months? How much muscle will I lose? How much fat will I gain? Will I be able to maintain my progress given the busy schedule I have ahead of me? I’m really tense.

I’ve been given different advice and have been reassured that the body needs rest and that two weeks away from the gym is not really that long. The thing that scares me is that I never seem to maintain a routine for ‘that long.’ It’s not that I don’t want to or that I’m not committed … it’s just that when it’s travel that takes you away from the routine, it becomes that more difficult. You don’t always get time to exercise. You’re eating out all the time since you won’t be cooking at ‘home.’ Plus your overall schedule becomes erratic … still, I think I’ve done more than just exercise and try to eat properly over the past few months. I think I’ve actually learned a bit more about how my body is responding to food and exercise … instead of my oh so intelligent behavior of starving myself. I’m not (as) afraid to eat anymore. I’m starting to finally accept what I’ve been told over and over again – you need to eat properly to lose weight. You need to exercise and balance it with rest. You need to stay hydrated otherwise your body will retain water … etc. etc.

Anyway. I’ve got to learn to trust myself and trust that I have changed my lifestyle. These two weeks will be a test to see how much I’ve progressed … I hope it’ll be a success.

The Art of Procrastination

I'm so busy, it's unbelievable. I've got tons of laundry to do (followed by folding it and putting it all away, a London shopping list to create, DVDs to order, emails to catch up on, and of course this blog entry (which I started months ago) to complete ...

Of course, I'm trying to tackle all these chores when I've got a really big task - a conference paper related to my PhD due in a week. I know the task will get done, but I also know, as I'm spending time typing this out, I should be working on it now -- instead of ... who knows when!

I don't know what it is that makes me put things off until the last minute. I think, ironically enough, a lot of it is about control.
For example, I'm not 100% sure what I'm going to be writing about for my conference paper. In order to complete it, I've got to do a lot of research and sit down and really, really concentrate on the task. The vauge idea that I have about my topic is not enough to inspire confidence within me, so I shift my attention to things that I can control ... tasks in which the end result is easily achievable.
My favorite ways to procrastinate are:
1) Making to-do lists. Whenever I start a to-do list (which is quite often) I feel like I'm being organized. I'm writing down the tasks that I need to complete. It makes me feel productive, but I know I'm just putting off the inevitable.
2) Looking through online shopping sites, especially Amazon. I can't tell you how many times I've filled up my shopping basket with things I'd like to buy ... I rarely purchase them, but just browing through the different items (particularly shoes) makes me feel happy!
3) Checking my email/Facebook/other blogs. I think seeing that others are emailing, posting status updates, or writing blogs makes me feel like I'm not the only one spending (wasting?) my time in that manner.
4) Organizing almost anything. Turning something chaotic into order definitely makes me feel more in control and productive -- and hey, at least I'm getting something done!)
5) Going to the gym. I have mixed feelings about adding this on my list of ways I procrastinate. I mean, exercise is important. Exercising helps me clear my mind. Exercising invigorates me. Okay, so spending several hours at the gym might be unnecessary (though I disagree) ... I could scale it back a little and get more work done ... hmmmm ... perhaps. I'll give it some thought.
You know, when I look through this list I think - wow, I do a lot of stuff. Granted it's not the task I should be working on, but I am being productive, aren't I? Look at all that I've completed today ...
Laundry. Check.
Clothes folded and put away. Check.
London shopping list. Check.
DVD order. Check.
Emails written. Check.
Blog to post. Check.

*sigh*
Ok. I really need to get some work done.

Home Honey I'm High

I love listening to music in my car. For me, it’s one of my favorite things in my day – getting in my car, selecting a CD/playlist, and pumping up the volume … and singing along (at the top of my lungs of course)! Passing drivers must think I’m crazy as I drive by with a huge smile, singing as if my life depended on it and bobbing my head along with the music. What do I care? In my opinion, they’re the ones missing out on some great tunes.

I’m quite picky about what I listen to in the car, and I’ve even got a few specific playlists/CDs to listen to for certain drives. For example, I’ve got my Morning Mix. It’s got pick me up music to get my energy levels up for the day. On the way to the gym I’ve got special motivational music that gets me focused for my workout … and so on.

My music gets me in the mood for whatever I’m heading out to do … and I guess the singing along is some form of cathartic release. It’s only recently that I’ve realized that I actually sing through songs that I don’t even know the words of – sounds crazy, doesn’t it?! It seems that I was passing over lines that I didn’t understand by either making up words … or in some cases (quite a few cases truth be told) actually making up sounds – not words, actual sounds! They’re not words. They don’t exist. What??

Here are a few examples – There’s a line in Shakira & Beyonce’s song Beautiful Liar which I would sing as “I walked in, on your machine, slow dancing” … and every time I’d sing that line I’d think – What in the world are they talking about? Machine? Slow dancing? It just doesn’t make sense … of course I had to look up the lyrics (eventually – basically a few months after singing the line my way) and found out that she was saying “I walked in, on your love scene, slow dancing.” Listening to the song again I guess I can make out those words … but I still say it sounds more like machine!

I was listening to one of Kelli Ali’s albums given to me by a friend … he gave me the tracks without having the songs listed so I had no idea what the titles of the songs were. There was one song in particular that I loved and had no problem singing along to – Run baby run, I’m your steady sun, Meow my si, homany am I – yes, you read that correctly. Doesn’t make any sense. Meow my si, homany am I. I sang that line shamelessly for many, many days (weeks?) until I had to ask him – What the hell is she saying?

It turns out the line was “Run baby run, I’m your setting sun. Hear my sigh. Home Honey I’m High!” Now how was I supposed to figure that out? Seriously. Who could have guess that she’s playing off of “Hi honey, I’m home”?! At least even he admitted that he wouldn’t have known unless he had read the title of the song (obviously called Home Honey I’m High).

Just before you think I’m crazy, I’ve got to give you one more example:
Another friend of mine gave me a CD for my birthday and it had a song by Kylie Minogue called Speakerphone. Now, I’m not a huge fan, but the beat of the song is catchy and eventually I started singing along. When the words “Drop your socks and grab your mini boom box, Do the pop lock body rock let the beat drop” came out of my mouth, I swear I almost had an accident. What in the world did I just say? Go ahead, read that line again – crazy, isn’t it? Well, what’s even crazier is that those are the actual words of the song! Go check the lyrics online. She actually says those words.

Now, can you blame me for making up lyrics as I sing along? Lucky for me (and I guess everyone else) I only ever sing when I’m alone in my car – so I guess I can make up any lyrics I want!

Touched

It’s been REALLY hot here in Kuwait. At 10:30 a.m. it was already 45°C (about 113°F) and I was boiling! As I was waiting in line this morning at the grocery store, I went to get some water from the fridge next to the check-out counter. Much to my dismay all the bottles were lukewarm at best. Another man came up and was also looking for a bottle of cold water but I told him that all the bottles were warm in this fridge. Definitely the wrong day for beverages to be warm!

The queue was building up so instead of searching in another fridge, I just proceeded and to put my items on the conveyor belt. As I placed my last item and was getting ready to pay – all the while dreading the idea of going back in that sweltering heat – the man who was searching for water came up to me and gave me an ice cold bottle of water.

I was so touched.

I wish I wasn’t so moved by that gesture. I wish that it was common enough for it to seem ordinary. The truth is, I think it’s far from ordinary and commonplace. So rarely do I see acts of random kindness – holding the door open for someone else, picking something up that someone has dropped, saying ‘please’, ‘thank you’, and ‘excuse me.’

Why have these simple gestures become so rare? A little bit of kindness goes a long way – it doesn’t cost anything, and it makes the other person feel good – which in turn makes them more likely to do something good for someone else. Everybody wins!

Workin' It Out

I can’t believe it’s been almost a month since I last posted.

Things have been quite busy since the new semester started. I think people (non-teachers) definitely underestimate how much work teachers have to do. I guess if you look at our summer & winter holidays (and working hours here at KU), then it’s understandable … but those ‘perks’ give people the wrong impression … there’s so much more that others don’t see or consider. Lesson planning can take hours; figuring out the perfect lesson – something to keep a class of 25 adolescents attentive and interested in what you’re saying – is not easy! Grading takes even longer. Then of course there’s the fact that we go in every morning and stand in front of a class and try to TEACH them. You’re not working on your own; you don’t get any down time … all eyes are on YOU. So, as I was saying, it’s a lot of work!

Anyway. I didn’t intend for this post to be about my teaching. Actually, I’m quite amazed at how much I’ve accomplished in the past 6 weeks in terms of my PhD, despite the added hours that I spend on teaching now that the semester has started.

It hasn’t been easy balancing everything, but I’ve accomplished quite a lot. My reading is going well. My interviews are going great, and my writing has picked up. I’m on a roll and I feel terrific about it!

This week was particularly good as I was finally able to gain remote access to my university’s library in London. It’s so great to have all the journal articles that I need at my fingertips! Plus, one of my interviewees gave me a ton of information to follow-up on – opened some avenues that I didn’t even think about going down, so I’m quite excited about that! All of this has of course given me the push I needed to sit down and get some more writing done.

Feeling marvelous and motivated!!

Nostalgia Part III: Music to My Ears

Nothing like a good tune to start your day ... and nothing like the following tunes to take me back to days of elementary, middle & high school -- Isn't it unbelievable how you still remember the words (and even some dance moves???)

Who can ever forget the New Kids on the Block?! Jordan, Donnie, Jonathan, Danny, and Joey - their ripped jeans, choreographed moves, and oh my, what charisma! Aren't they the ones who really kicked off the 'boy band' phenomenon?

I am still a huge fan of Madonna's ... and though there were many songs to choose from, this one one music video that I knew (and still know) all the dance moves to!

"Everybody's doin' a brand new dance now ..." :)

To what other song do you hum (sing?) the opening beat to than this one?

Don't tell me that you don't start to tap your feet and perhaps even snap when this song comes on! My friends at NES were crazy about Wham! and that soon spread to me - this is one song that always reminds me of you guys (see you this summer!!)

I really wanted to upload MC Hammer's 'U Can't This' video but I wasn't able to download it.

Michael Jackson. Whitney Houston. Debbie Gibson. Tiffany ... among many others are part of my nostalgic music moment. Remember the huge scandal Milli Vanilli caused when it was revealed that it wasn't really them singing?! Didn't they actually have their Grammy revoked?! :)

Well, all these songs/artists have a place in my musical scrapbook!

Happy Listening :)

Nostalgia Part II: Shows I Loved

Once I started going through those old TV show clips, I couldn't stop! Here are a few more for old time's sake :)


Mr. Roger's Neighborhood -







Sesame St. - What a terrific educational show!







The Muppet Show - Why don't they make shows like this anymore?







I absolutely LOVED the Donnie and Marie show. Donnie Osmond was my first 'movie star' crush - I was devastated (at the age of 6) when I found out he was married *sniff sniff* This was my favorite opening performance:







Gummi Bears -- I don't remember too many cartoons from my childhood, but this is one that I absolutely loved! Didn't you wonder what is in Gummi Bear juice?

*Sigh* To be a kid again ...

Nostalgia Part I: TV Moments

While my packrat tendencies have filled up trunks and boxes with loads of memories, going through them over the past few days reminded me of exactly why I kept them in the first place ... This is part of my trip down memory lane ...

Growing Pains ... I had such a crush on Kirk Cameron!

I'll never forget rushing home to watch 90210 and then calling up my friends to discuss what happened on that episode. What drama!

Making lists and planning my routine started from an early age for me. TV time was scheduled into my after-school routine ... come home from school, lunch, 1/2 hr of TV, homework, 1/2 hr of TV, dinner, sleep (something like that). Half hour sitcoms were perfect for my TV time slots - Different Strokes. Silver Spoon. Webster. And, how can anyone forget ... Small Wonder.

Punky Brewster was another favorite of mine ...

And of course, what childhood was complete without the family fun of the Cosby Show?

I'm so glad most of these TV shows are available on DVD now ... I get to relive any chidhood TV moment I want :)

The Rattle in my Bronchi

My chronic bronchitis is torturing me. This is the third year in a row that I’ve suffered from this horrible, suffocating sharp cough for more than 2 months. In fact, the last 2 years I had it for 3 months each … so I’m hoping there’s just one more to go. I feel absolutely miserable. From the sound of the cough to the soreness in my throat to the bruised ribs I have from all the coughing … and that’s not even the worst part. The struggle to breathe is the most painful and depressing part. I feel like there’s a huge weight pressing down on my chest and just constricting my lungs – I get no air. For a few seconds every hour I feel like I’m being choked and there is absolutely nothing I can do.

I’ve been taking my medication. I still have a few more days for my antibiotics, but I can honestly tell you that I feel no different than I did when it first started. The medicine isn’t doing anything for me. The only good one is the one I have to take at night. I think it sedates me and just puts me to sleep … at least that’s the good thing. I’m hoping I can just relax this weekend – maybe try some deep breathing exercises or yoga to help relax my muscles and just relax in general. At this point I’ll do anything. I just want the coughing to stop.