I totally freaked out when I went to see W today. I knew that things had changed given my new exercise routine and the continuous studying. I didn’t need to go to her to confirm that I had lost muscle mass. I guess I should be relieved that I hadn’t gained any weight, but I still felt frustrated. I had been working so hard and was making such good progress and now this writing has set me back. W was wonderful, as usual. She’s been so supportive and encouraging. She gave me some good advice and once again got me to focus on my nutrition since I just haven’t been able to put as many hours at the gym as I’d like to. At the same time, she tried to convince me that cutting back to only 1.5-2 hours at the gym was actually a normal routine. She didn’t convince me, but I appreciate her effort.
Do I sound foolish? Does the outcome of getting my PhD sound like a much bigger achievement than continuing toward my fitness goal? Perhaps. Perhaps not. It’s all a matter of perspective and priorities, isn’t it? I know what I’m doing is important – and I (think I) know that the progress I am making, both in terms of my writing and my fitness, is fine given the circumstances but still – I’m frustrated. It’s emotionally exhausting – and you have to understand that this emotional worry has an effect on my writing as well.
I know I just need to be patient and stick to the program. I can’t/shouldn’t let little obstacles (i.e. life) set me back. I know I can’t operate in a vacuum and in control of all the variables … but still. Being patient and sticking to the plan is definitely more difficult than I thought it would be.
Voice of Reason
6 years ago