Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Separate Lives

Another divorce. I just feel so numb at the thought of it ... no, that's not true. Numb would imply that I'm not feeling anything - but that's not true. I just haven't been able to put my finger on the exact emotion as yet.

It's always been something that worries me. It's such a sad thing to happen. Heart-breaking really ... but then again, I do understand that sometimes people just don't get along ... or sometimes, it just doesn't work. I definitely don't think that people should stay together just for the sake of staying together and not wanting to disrupt their 'lives.' I've often said that I think it's better to be alone and happy than with someone and miserable ... after all, life is short ...

Still, there's something disappointing about it. I guess because it scares me. The idea that people can be together for years and years and then realize that it just doesn't work ... it's scary.

At the same time, maybe it has nothing to do with time. I mean, I've seen all sorts of situations. Arranged marriages lasting for 30+ years ... 'love' marriages breaking up within one year ... marriages for the sake of convenience lasting and growing into something special ... marriages because they think it's the 'right' thing to do falling apart soon after the exchange of vows ...

So anything is possible, and we can't predict the future - how our lives will change, where we'll be, who we'll be with ...

I guess we just have to give it all we've got and take comfort in the knowledge that yes, we did try to make something happen ... and it just didn't work ... but we did try.

Monday, June 26, 2006

Lingering in London

There's something about London that makes me so happy. I know a lot of people find it chaotic and busy ... but maybe it's because I come here for such short periods that I get to enjoy the atmosphere without being caught up in the dreary weather and the rush hour commute ...

But today, D and I were huddled under an umbrella, walking hand-in-hand through the crowds in Piccadilly Circus and I just felt so happy. I felt completely carefree and at ease and it was just wonderful to feel that way after such a long time.

There are other things about London that I love as well. I love sitting in Hyde Park with my notebook - watching people and writing ... I spend a lot of time writing here. It's like my creative edge sharpens as soon as I step off of Heathrow Express.

We spent a few hours browsing in bookstores today -- it's something I miss so much in Kuwait. It's so hard to control the temptation to pick up all the books that catch my eye ... and I really shouldn't buy anymore. I need to finish reading all the books that I've already bought before I buy again ... but of course that's easier said than done!

Well, now that I'm back from Canterbury I have a lot more time to relax and enjoy the London atmosphere. Even though I've been here several times there are still plenty of things for me to do and see ...

Tomorrow will be another wonderful day in London ...

Saturday, June 24, 2006

A Huge Success

Would it be funny to say that I felt like a mini-superstar?

I was nervous like you won't believe. I my hands were shaking so much that I had to put my notes down because I felt that it would make my nervousness so obvious. I thought I'd be lost without my notes, but I just took off ... and it was great. It was a topic that I felt comfortable with and passionate about.

I actually didn't realize how well it went until the audience asked me to continue to talk even into their tea break! So I went on and I loved it. We had to leave the seminar room as another presenter had to get ready for his presentation, so I walked out of the room surrounded by six or seven people all hoovering around me ... I was amazed and so happy. Like D said ... I was a superstar and for the first time I didn't feel too shy about admitting it (just a little though).

I learnt a lot from the conference and felt that it was a very productive trip and the start of many more I hope!

Now my vacation finally begins!!

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Unveiling in Progress

I deleted all my blogs today. I had thought about deleting them a while ago, but I hesitated. Then I realized that there really was no reason to keep up a bunch of posts that had so much to do with a past that I have now moved far away from.

There are so many things in me that have changed. More than that ... there are so many things about my vision of my life and my future that have changed. A lot of my blogs seemed to be so negative and depressing. I just don't think that's who I am anymore. I'm not denying that they are a part of my past ... after all, if I hadn't gone through all those events and experienced those emotions, I wouldn't be where I am right now ...

I took some time to think about some events that happened in my life this month. They made me realize a lot about myself - about how tough I have been on myself, about how negatively I have looked at many aspects of my life, and about how weak I have been in terms of reacting to others. I finally managed to see that I am a lot stronger than I thought I was. I actually realized that I had some worth.

So, today is the start of a new beginning ...