Workin' It Out

I can’t believe it’s been almost a month since I last posted.

Things have been quite busy since the new semester started. I think people (non-teachers) definitely underestimate how much work teachers have to do. I guess if you look at our summer & winter holidays (and working hours here at KU), then it’s understandable … but those ‘perks’ give people the wrong impression … there’s so much more that others don’t see or consider. Lesson planning can take hours; figuring out the perfect lesson – something to keep a class of 25 adolescents attentive and interested in what you’re saying – is not easy! Grading takes even longer. Then of course there’s the fact that we go in every morning and stand in front of a class and try to TEACH them. You’re not working on your own; you don’t get any down time … all eyes are on YOU. So, as I was saying, it’s a lot of work!

Anyway. I didn’t intend for this post to be about my teaching. Actually, I’m quite amazed at how much I’ve accomplished in the past 6 weeks in terms of my PhD, despite the added hours that I spend on teaching now that the semester has started.

It hasn’t been easy balancing everything, but I’ve accomplished quite a lot. My reading is going well. My interviews are going great, and my writing has picked up. I’m on a roll and I feel terrific about it!

This week was particularly good as I was finally able to gain remote access to my university’s library in London. It’s so great to have all the journal articles that I need at my fingertips! Plus, one of my interviewees gave me a ton of information to follow-up on – opened some avenues that I didn’t even think about going down, so I’m quite excited about that! All of this has of course given me the push I needed to sit down and get some more writing done.

Feeling marvelous and motivated!!

Nostalgia Part III: Music to My Ears

Nothing like a good tune to start your day ... and nothing like the following tunes to take me back to days of elementary, middle & high school -- Isn't it unbelievable how you still remember the words (and even some dance moves???)

Who can ever forget the New Kids on the Block?! Jordan, Donnie, Jonathan, Danny, and Joey - their ripped jeans, choreographed moves, and oh my, what charisma! Aren't they the ones who really kicked off the 'boy band' phenomenon?

I am still a huge fan of Madonna's ... and though there were many songs to choose from, this one one music video that I knew (and still know) all the dance moves to!

"Everybody's doin' a brand new dance now ..." :)

To what other song do you hum (sing?) the opening beat to than this one?

Don't tell me that you don't start to tap your feet and perhaps even snap when this song comes on! My friends at NES were crazy about Wham! and that soon spread to me - this is one song that always reminds me of you guys (see you this summer!!)

I really wanted to upload MC Hammer's 'U Can't This' video but I wasn't able to download it.

Michael Jackson. Whitney Houston. Debbie Gibson. Tiffany ... among many others are part of my nostalgic music moment. Remember the huge scandal Milli Vanilli caused when it was revealed that it wasn't really them singing?! Didn't they actually have their Grammy revoked?! :)

Well, all these songs/artists have a place in my musical scrapbook!

Happy Listening :)

Nostalgia Part II: Shows I Loved

Once I started going through those old TV show clips, I couldn't stop! Here are a few more for old time's sake :)


Mr. Roger's Neighborhood -







Sesame St. - What a terrific educational show!







The Muppet Show - Why don't they make shows like this anymore?







I absolutely LOVED the Donnie and Marie show. Donnie Osmond was my first 'movie star' crush - I was devastated (at the age of 6) when I found out he was married *sniff sniff* This was my favorite opening performance:







Gummi Bears -- I don't remember too many cartoons from my childhood, but this is one that I absolutely loved! Didn't you wonder what is in Gummi Bear juice?

*Sigh* To be a kid again ...

Nostalgia Part I: TV Moments

While my packrat tendencies have filled up trunks and boxes with loads of memories, going through them over the past few days reminded me of exactly why I kept them in the first place ... This is part of my trip down memory lane ...

Growing Pains ... I had such a crush on Kirk Cameron!

I'll never forget rushing home to watch 90210 and then calling up my friends to discuss what happened on that episode. What drama!

Making lists and planning my routine started from an early age for me. TV time was scheduled into my after-school routine ... come home from school, lunch, 1/2 hr of TV, homework, 1/2 hr of TV, dinner, sleep (something like that). Half hour sitcoms were perfect for my TV time slots - Different Strokes. Silver Spoon. Webster. And, how can anyone forget ... Small Wonder.

Punky Brewster was another favorite of mine ...

And of course, what childhood was complete without the family fun of the Cosby Show?

I'm so glad most of these TV shows are available on DVD now ... I get to relive any chidhood TV moment I want :)

The Rattle in my Bronchi

My chronic bronchitis is torturing me. This is the third year in a row that I’ve suffered from this horrible, suffocating sharp cough for more than 2 months. In fact, the last 2 years I had it for 3 months each … so I’m hoping there’s just one more to go. I feel absolutely miserable. From the sound of the cough to the soreness in my throat to the bruised ribs I have from all the coughing … and that’s not even the worst part. The struggle to breathe is the most painful and depressing part. I feel like there’s a huge weight pressing down on my chest and just constricting my lungs – I get no air. For a few seconds every hour I feel like I’m being choked and there is absolutely nothing I can do.

I’ve been taking my medication. I still have a few more days for my antibiotics, but I can honestly tell you that I feel no different than I did when it first started. The medicine isn’t doing anything for me. The only good one is the one I have to take at night. I think it sedates me and just puts me to sleep … at least that’s the good thing. I’m hoping I can just relax this weekend – maybe try some deep breathing exercises or yoga to help relax my muscles and just relax in general. At this point I’ll do anything. I just want the coughing to stop.

Time Out!

Seriously. Where is Evie and her ability to stop time? If I had one wish at this very moment, that’s exactly what it would be – stop time so that I can catch up!

I’ve been back from vacation for 4 days now – back at work for 3 and I am already exhausted and behind with everything that I have to do. I knew I should have come back earlier, but the thought of facing the dust – and all the errands that I knew were waiting for me – was just unbearable.

Everything is stacking up and I’m feeling very, very frantic. And it’s not just one task. There are several things that I have to do and at the moment I just don’t seem to be able to prioritize – hence things are being left half (quarter) finished, which is driving me even more insane.

From mundane tasks like dropping my clothes off at the dry cleaners and going to the post office to mail some parcels to more serious work like getting some of my PhD reading done!

I know it always takes a few days to get back into the swing of things after a vacation, but for some reason, I’m feeling the pressure and I need to make it all come together somehow – right now!

Train of thought

The train ride to and from Canterbury is absolutely beautiful. It’s a very smooth and quiet journey down and this time, the scenery of the snow covered hills was breathtaking.

For some reason train journeys really soothe me. My mind wanders as I gaze out at the flashes of life that pass me by. Today’s journey was spotted with frost-crusted tree branches, snowmen on the side of the tracks, kids sledding down a hill, a lone farmer checking that the coats were on tight on his horses … I had never taken a train ride through the snow. It was all so peaceful looking – there’s something tantalizing, yet calming, at the sight of a large untouched blanket of snow – not a footprint in sight.

As my mind wanders I often reflect on the past. Good memories always come to mind – times of laughter revisited, bonds of friendship remembered, feelings for loved ones strengthened. Gazing out at the countryside feels reassuring. Everything seems possible. I think it’s that I’m (literally) moving forward – it reminds me that even though life is fast-paced at times, so fast that everything around me becomes blurred, there’s still much ahead of me – snowmen to build, horses to ride, and that untouched territory to discover.

Those were the days ...

Shrill screaming as you run through the hall, slamming doors all through the night, loud music playing accompanied by out-of-tune voices … ya, I’m definitely not built for dorm living anymore!

Were we really that loud back then? I’m sure we were. I guess it was different living in a suite with your friends. I can’t really be too irked by the noise. I mean, 7 p.m. is not really late at night is it? Hehehe, just kidding.

I guess it’s just different being in my 30’s and living in a dorm vs. being 18 (as the girls in my suite this time around were). Still, aside from the noise, there was the room I had to deal with. The first thing I did was buy a pair of latex gloves and disinfectant detol wipes so that I could sanitize the whole room – only then could I start to relax a bit.

The room itself (this time) was not too bad. Good size, en suite facilities, a ‘comfy’ chair as they called it (not comfortable at all!) and a desk chair (also not comfortable) … and then there was the single bed with a … ummmm … I think it was intended to be a mattress but it felt more like a bunch of thin wire springs with a bit of cloth sewn over them – ouch! Yes, very uncomfortable. I literally had to sleep on the edge of the bed in order to avoid serious injury to my back! Luckily, I was only staying there for 10 nights since there was no way I could fit more clothes into the closet, which was about the size of an airplane bathroom! So clearly this room was purely functional and not built for comfort! Oh well – such is college life (at least for a few days out of the year) :)

My Treasure Chest

Childhood toys.
Notes passed in high school.
Matchboxes from hotels.
Paper coasters from restaurants.
Sugar packets from cafes.
Letters and cards received from friends.
Balloons from special occasions.
Journal entries from anguish/hope/passion-filled moments of my life.
Pictures that capture the best of times.
Trinkets that bring back great memories.
Mixed tapes replaying symbolic songs.
Newspaper clippings of significant events/dates.
So many memories. So many good times. So much to be thankful for.

Palestine

I can’t take the news about Gaza anymore. It fills me with so much anguish – I literally can’t bear it anymore. So many things about this situation amaze me – I’m amazed at how long this entire conflict has been allowed to go on. I’m amazed at how cruel people can be. I’m amazed that in this day and age there is still so much fighting going on.

I just cannot comprehend why so much fighting is still going on – or even why it began in the first place. I am embarrassed to be living in a country that claims to support the Palestinian cause but does nothing about it. Nobody is speaking loud enough and nobody is moving fast enough (if at all) to put an end to this. With such a travesty occurring, it should not take Ban Ki-moon to have to come in to put an end to all the fighting – isn’t that the obvious conclusion?!

It saddens me to no end to see our political leaders not leaping to action to stop this unbelievable inhumanity that is going on practically in our back yard. Sad stories, horrifying pictures in the newspaper, dreadful statistics are not what we need to realize that there is a problem … it’s no use if only the people feel such compassion and urgency to put an end to all the fighting – we governments to step in and put a stop to it. What is taking them so long? Why is it such a difficult solution to find? Can there really be a better/worthier/nobler goal than to save human lives and strive for peace?

It’s all just so sad. So very sad.

A belated happy new year ...

Happy new year everyone!

I know this greeting is a bit late, but I have been in an unbelievable amount of pain.

I’m glad to say that the surgery went well. The doctor is very pleased with my progress, and while that’s comforting to hear, I feel absolutely miserable.

Three days after the procedure, I was discharged from the hospital. The surgeon told me that it had taken 2 hours longer than they had anticipated. He reassured me that it would be ok but the recovery process was going to be painful.

I have honestly never known pain like this before. Aside from the pain, it’s been the helplessness that has depressed me the most. Every single movement hurts. I still can’t do simple tasks like get out of bed without wincing and clutching on to something for support. I hate having to rely on someone to help me and I hate not being able to move freely.
When my doctor first told me that he was giving me 3 weeks of sick leave, I actually laughed. I thought that I would be back at work within 4-5 days. I can’t believe how naïve I was. I’m going stir-crazy at home already … but I need to hang in there for just another 2 weeks.

It's Christmas!

I love Christmas. From the red and white stockings, to the fairy lights, to the warmth of the smiles that spread from the natural cheer that accompanies most people with this occasion … it’s all just so magical …

Many people complain that Christmas has become too commercial and materialistic, and while I can see where they’re coming from, it saddens me to that the joy that accompanies the season has been marred by this view. I get so excited as Christmas approaches – decorating the tree, putting up stockings, and of course shopping for presents! Still, the holiday is more than all of that … it’s about the happiness that spreads – hearing random people wishing others ‘Merry Christmas’, the desire to give something to others, using the occasion to send holiday cards to old friends and reconnect – remember them and also feeling remembered.

I can’t think of any other occasion that makes me feel this way – so comforted and content … Merry Christmas!

Lost Thoughts

I’ve been a bit behind posting lately as I recently found out that I’ll be having a surgical procedure. While it’s not a very serious condition, it’s one that has caused me a lot of pain for the past few years. I know that the procedure will be beneficial for me, but it still scares me.

I’ve been focusing a lot of my attention on my health – as much of this blog is already about. I’m trying to build my strength but with the stress/worry that I’m feeling about this procedure, the cravings for chocolate have come back … and of course, with each bite I feel guilty, but it’s been hard to resist.

My doctor says that it may take up to 3 months before I can return to the gym. That has me feeling really frantic and worried. It actually almost makes me not want to go forth with the procedure, but I know (well, at least I’m assured by friends and family) that the procedure is worth it … so wish me luck!

The Key

I got my Wellness key today! I booked a training session with one of my gym instructors. A lot of people avoid training with this one particular instructor because she’s the toughest of them all … but that’s exactly why I like her. I got my key and then we started to set up my program. I had to do a fitness test first. I’m never really nervous about fitness tests … what does bug me is that I usually do really well. My level of fitness is not my worry. I know I have strength and stamina … so inside, I’m fit … but outside, it doesn’t look it at all … anyway. Moving on …

So, I went through day 1 of a 5-day/week workout plan today. It was great (and tough). The thing that’s great about they key is that my goal is programmed in. I get immediate feedback on my results and get to see my progress. My instructor designed my program to push me hard … when you’re doing weights and cardio on your own, you can kinda adjust it along the way if you’re feeling tired … or sometimes psychologically you just don’t think that you can do that extra rep, or add some more weight … but here, if you do slow down or in some way ‘cheat’, then it’s all recorded. So, it really pushes you to complete the whole program … and complete it well.

I’m quite good about going to the gym in any case … I’m just hoping this key will give me the extra push that I need.

Finding a Balance

Ok, I’ve kinda, sorta fallen off the wagon. It’s been tough this Eid holiday. One thing is that it’s been a total break in my routine. I had really gotten into my groove, but now, it being a week-long holiday, I’ve been totally thrown off sync. I guess on the bright side, I have been getting more sleep, which I know is a good thing. My usual schedule of getting 5 hours of sleep a night works well, but only for about 2 weeks, after which it all starts to catch up on me. Now, I’m getting around 7 hours and it makes quite a difference.

Anyway. The main thing is that there have been quite a few invites – all revolving around food. It’s not like I’ve gone on a crazy binge or anything … it’s little things – something that had a bit of cheese; something that was made with white flour, something that had some sugar … so I’m a bit disappointed that I couldn’t stick to it more rigidly.

The whole goal is really about being healthy and feeling good. An obvious connection that has emerged – especially as I’m writing all of this down – is that when I don’t exercise, I feel bad. When I eat unhealthily, I feel bad. So … (the conclusion seems obvious, doesn’t it?) Don’t do things that make you feel bad.

This whole reflective thing has also helped me connect what I’ve been reading to what I’ve been practicing. To be honest, some of it sounds very wishy washy – the whole yin and yang with foods and how it all works together and has an overall effect on how you feel etc. Still, I can’t deny that now that I’ve been trying to put it into practice, it does make more sense.

I guess its all part of the cycle.

Detox - day 3

I never want to see another fruit for as long as I live!

I could barely bring myself to chew the fruit today. I just found it so utterly boring. Plus, I didn’t really feel any different. I don’t really know how I was supposed to feel, but it’s not like I felt completely refreshed and energized. I didn’t really feel any better than when I started … so did the detox work? I’m not really sure how I can tell.

In any case, I’m done with the program.

I did it.

Now, on to the next project.

Detox - day 2

I feel like crap. I feel tense. I feel angry. I just feel completely out of control and helpless. I am very frustrated. I feel very depressed.

I’m completely on edge.

I don’t understand it.

I should be feeling light and carefree and fresh with all that damn fruit inside me … but I just can’t seem to find a solid foothold and get a grip.

I didn’t go to the gym today. I tried to tell myself that it was ok since I had been pushing myself really hard lately, but I wasn’t convinced. Not going to the gym made me feel worse … so, I did 1,000 ab crunches at home to try and make up for it. It truly felt like punishment – forcing myself to do them, the soreness that followed. What I really needed to do was sweat it out, but I just couldn’t do it. Instead, I moped.

I thought detox was supposed to make you feel good. Why do I feel so bad?

Detox - day 1

I had a really hectic day today. Lots of things to do at work, lots of errands to run after work, and today was the first day of my fruit detox program. At first glance the program looks like there’s not enough food and it had me wondering, am I going to make it? I didn’t want to get into a program at the expense of being weak and not having enough energy to do any exercise … but, after going through the list of fruits and trying to eat whatever was prescribed for each meal, I found that I just couldn’t consume them all. I mean, a banana, a pear, half a papaya, grapes, and strawberries – just for breakfast! I was stuffed. I know it’s not a fast. It’s not a starvation plan. It’s not even a diet … but still, I was full after a few fruit … and tired of chewing by lunchtime. Still, I’ve committed to doing this. I want to follow it through. After all, it’s only 3 days – what’s the worst that can happen?

Winning the Race

Day 6 and I’m feeling pretty good. I was a bit worried about Thanksgiving dinner tonight, but I didn’t have to be. Dinner was a success and I’m proud of myself for not giving in to any of the tempting food. All that cooking just left me so exhausted that I wasn’t even interested in eating … plus, my appetite has decreased significantly and I’m not really having any cravings. The thing is, I love vegetables – no matter what the preparation … that really makes it much easier. Plus, the light feeling of not eating big meals or meals weighed down with meat etc. has made me feel much more positive.

I’ve been going to the gym regularly, and while I have been feeling a little weak and slightly dizzy during/after my workouts, I’ve been pushing through. I know not to overdo it. I mean, I’ve pushed myself to that point in the past before and it’s terrible – pushing hard for 10 days only to collapse and not do anything for a week … moderation is definitely the goal …

I still have to concentrate quite a bit on my eating habits/patterns. I’ve got to make a conscious effort … it doesn’t always come easy. I just have to remember to keep being patient and focused. Changes don’t occur overnight. As long as I’m making a concentrated effort, I should be fine. Still, it’s hard to block out the worries that are crowding my mind. I know that if I make this adjustment process to tedious, then it won’t last. Slow and steady wins the race, right? Slow and steady … slow and steady …

Adjusting

Day 3 and things are going well … except for the headaches. The headaches are really, really bad. I can’t keep my eyes open; I can’t even keep my head up straight. I have resisted taking any of my migraine medication or any painkillers at all. I keep reminding myself that since I have changed many aspects of my routine, it is only natural that my body will be responding in some ways. As Simon Brown wrote in his book, it’s the toxins leaving the body … so obviously there are some reactions … so I’m just going to stick it out.

It’s taking a bit of time getting my food sorted out. At the moment I’m just having steamed vegetables and ½ a cup of rice for lunch and that’s just fine. Today I felt a bit more hungry so I had another half cup of vegetables … I’m trying not to feel guilty for eating. I mean, if I’m really feeling guilty for basically eating boiled peas and carrots, then I’ve really got major issues! Anyway.

I went to take a nap at 3:00. I woke up with a start and checked my watch, only to see that it was 3:12. I forced myself to stay in bed until 3:30 – just trying to relax and meditate and rush around (and not really get anything done!). I felt great when I got up from bed. Very light, lots of energy … I think not having a big meal for lunch has really made a difference. Not that I ever ate that much … but I did eat more than what I’ve had in the last 3 days … so again, I’m sure every little change is making a difference.

I’m feeling pretty positive at this point and that in itself is making me feel good. I’m actually surprised at how quickly I’ve adjusted – or maybe it’s just the initial enthusiasm/motivation that comes with starting something new. We’ll see.