Sunday, November 23, 2008

Change in Motion

A combination of increasing frustration, a motivational email from J, and the arrival of Jessica Porter’s book The Hip-Chick’s guide to Macrobiotics lead to me to finally step and make a change. Not just a small change, but a drastic one.

The first thing I need to do is stop being so afraid. Afraid of change. Afraid of things being difficult. Afraid of struggle. I find it slightly ironic that I’m saying that to myself since in many aspects in my life I am not afraid to work hard through difficult situations and make the changes necessary. However, when it comes to dealing with the biggest chip on my shoulder, i.e. loathing the way I look, I seem to fall short of that extra step I need to take to really make things happen.

If I really wanted things to change, then I would be more aggressive about it. The measures I’ve been taking in the past have not worked … obviously I need to change things up so that I can actually see some results from the effort that I am putting in … because I know I am putting in the effort. Spending 2, sometimes 3, hours at the gym almost daily should show some improvement … and I’m not just taking about improving my strength and stamina – yes, those things have improved. I’m talking about my appearance. I want to lose weight so I can feel better. I want to lose weight so I can lessen the paranoid I feel about diabetes and heart disease lurking around in my not-so-distant future.

You have to understand … all those people out there who are supportive and encouraging and make reassuring statements telling me that I’m overreacting and being too hard on myself etc. etc. … I do appreciate those words, honestly. But this problem is much more than that. It’s eating at my very core, making me discontent and dissatisfied in so many ways that it’s ruining me and totally bringing me down. So … it’s time to change.

The second thing I need to do, and this is a big one, is to be patient. I need to be patient with myself, patient with my body, patient with reality … changes do not happen over night. The effort that I’m putting in, is not for short-term results, it’s for life. So I must be patient. I cannot get frustrated, as I often do, and think that if things do not change in the first 48 hours then all the effort is worthless. I cannot beat myself up if I fail to go to the gym one day or breakdown and have a piece of chocolate. It’s about the bigger picture. It’s about the bigger picture. It’s about the bigger picture. (Ok, I think I’ve convinced myself.)

So here are the initial steps – all starting right now.
No caffeine (yikes!), no sugar (that sucks), no white flour, no meat – only fish occasionally, no dairy, no artificial products.

Here I go – wish me luck!


Mel said...

Well done for taking steps to change things that dissatisfy you. Many times people just complain without taking action, so you should be proud of yourself for taking this first step.

I love Porter's book. It's so easy to read and entertaining too. Though I'm not a full-blown macrobiotic, I do follow and believe in a lot of its principles.

Remember, don't be too hard on yourself. Patience is definitely key. Stick to moderation. Listen to your body. Think healthy and happy and you'll do great.

I'm looking forward to your updates.

Mel said...

By the way, that photo is very dramatic. You should surround yourself with positive images and positive people. The changes you are trying to make are GOOD ones, so you should feel good and think good thoughts. It's all part of the package.