It's Christmas!

I love Christmas. From the red and white stockings, to the fairy lights, to the warmth of the smiles that spread from the natural cheer that accompanies most people with this occasion … it’s all just so magical …

Many people complain that Christmas has become too commercial and materialistic, and while I can see where they’re coming from, it saddens me to that the joy that accompanies the season has been marred by this view. I get so excited as Christmas approaches – decorating the tree, putting up stockings, and of course shopping for presents! Still, the holiday is more than all of that … it’s about the happiness that spreads – hearing random people wishing others ‘Merry Christmas’, the desire to give something to others, using the occasion to send holiday cards to old friends and reconnect – remember them and also feeling remembered.

I can’t think of any other occasion that makes me feel this way – so comforted and content … Merry Christmas!

Lost Thoughts

I’ve been a bit behind posting lately as I recently found out that I’ll be having a surgical procedure. While it’s not a very serious condition, it’s one that has caused me a lot of pain for the past few years. I know that the procedure will be beneficial for me, but it still scares me.

I’ve been focusing a lot of my attention on my health – as much of this blog is already about. I’m trying to build my strength but with the stress/worry that I’m feeling about this procedure, the cravings for chocolate have come back … and of course, with each bite I feel guilty, but it’s been hard to resist.

My doctor says that it may take up to 3 months before I can return to the gym. That has me feeling really frantic and worried. It actually almost makes me not want to go forth with the procedure, but I know (well, at least I’m assured by friends and family) that the procedure is worth it … so wish me luck!

The Key

I got my Wellness key today! I booked a training session with one of my gym instructors. A lot of people avoid training with this one particular instructor because she’s the toughest of them all … but that’s exactly why I like her. I got my key and then we started to set up my program. I had to do a fitness test first. I’m never really nervous about fitness tests … what does bug me is that I usually do really well. My level of fitness is not my worry. I know I have strength and stamina … so inside, I’m fit … but outside, it doesn’t look it at all … anyway. Moving on …

So, I went through day 1 of a 5-day/week workout plan today. It was great (and tough). The thing that’s great about they key is that my goal is programmed in. I get immediate feedback on my results and get to see my progress. My instructor designed my program to push me hard … when you’re doing weights and cardio on your own, you can kinda adjust it along the way if you’re feeling tired … or sometimes psychologically you just don’t think that you can do that extra rep, or add some more weight … but here, if you do slow down or in some way ‘cheat’, then it’s all recorded. So, it really pushes you to complete the whole program … and complete it well.

I’m quite good about going to the gym in any case … I’m just hoping this key will give me the extra push that I need.

Finding a Balance

Ok, I’ve kinda, sorta fallen off the wagon. It’s been tough this Eid holiday. One thing is that it’s been a total break in my routine. I had really gotten into my groove, but now, it being a week-long holiday, I’ve been totally thrown off sync. I guess on the bright side, I have been getting more sleep, which I know is a good thing. My usual schedule of getting 5 hours of sleep a night works well, but only for about 2 weeks, after which it all starts to catch up on me. Now, I’m getting around 7 hours and it makes quite a difference.

Anyway. The main thing is that there have been quite a few invites – all revolving around food. It’s not like I’ve gone on a crazy binge or anything … it’s little things – something that had a bit of cheese; something that was made with white flour, something that had some sugar … so I’m a bit disappointed that I couldn’t stick to it more rigidly.

The whole goal is really about being healthy and feeling good. An obvious connection that has emerged – especially as I’m writing all of this down – is that when I don’t exercise, I feel bad. When I eat unhealthily, I feel bad. So … (the conclusion seems obvious, doesn’t it?) Don’t do things that make you feel bad.

This whole reflective thing has also helped me connect what I’ve been reading to what I’ve been practicing. To be honest, some of it sounds very wishy washy – the whole yin and yang with foods and how it all works together and has an overall effect on how you feel etc. Still, I can’t deny that now that I’ve been trying to put it into practice, it does make more sense.

I guess its all part of the cycle.

Detox - day 3

I never want to see another fruit for as long as I live!

I could barely bring myself to chew the fruit today. I just found it so utterly boring. Plus, I didn’t really feel any different. I don’t really know how I was supposed to feel, but it’s not like I felt completely refreshed and energized. I didn’t really feel any better than when I started … so did the detox work? I’m not really sure how I can tell.

In any case, I’m done with the program.

I did it.

Now, on to the next project.

Detox - day 2

I feel like crap. I feel tense. I feel angry. I just feel completely out of control and helpless. I am very frustrated. I feel very depressed.

I’m completely on edge.

I don’t understand it.

I should be feeling light and carefree and fresh with all that damn fruit inside me … but I just can’t seem to find a solid foothold and get a grip.

I didn’t go to the gym today. I tried to tell myself that it was ok since I had been pushing myself really hard lately, but I wasn’t convinced. Not going to the gym made me feel worse … so, I did 1,000 ab crunches at home to try and make up for it. It truly felt like punishment – forcing myself to do them, the soreness that followed. What I really needed to do was sweat it out, but I just couldn’t do it. Instead, I moped.

I thought detox was supposed to make you feel good. Why do I feel so bad?

Detox - day 1

I had a really hectic day today. Lots of things to do at work, lots of errands to run after work, and today was the first day of my fruit detox program. At first glance the program looks like there’s not enough food and it had me wondering, am I going to make it? I didn’t want to get into a program at the expense of being weak and not having enough energy to do any exercise … but, after going through the list of fruits and trying to eat whatever was prescribed for each meal, I found that I just couldn’t consume them all. I mean, a banana, a pear, half a papaya, grapes, and strawberries – just for breakfast! I was stuffed. I know it’s not a fast. It’s not a starvation plan. It’s not even a diet … but still, I was full after a few fruit … and tired of chewing by lunchtime. Still, I’ve committed to doing this. I want to follow it through. After all, it’s only 3 days – what’s the worst that can happen?